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Ugg and Freda ©

(Written as part of a Musical Revue, still unperformed)

Gordon Fjaelberg
Bridgend, Wales

Come on, Ugg, you're a caveman,
So tell me, what's a caveman for?
I'm feeling in the mood
To perpetuate the species,
But I'm finding you a real bore.
You're stood there by the cave-mouth
With a spear held in your hand,
Looking for the world
Like you're giving the impression
Of somebody who's in command,
Of somebody who's in command.

Freda, won't you stop complaining?
I'm aware what you want of me;
Building up the fire
Helps illuminate the valley
Here in 40,000-odd B.C.
In case you should just wonder
What I'm stood by this cave-mouth for,
Mastadons are marching
And the sabre-tooths are howling;
They'd only muddy up the floor,
They'd only muddy up the floor.

Come on, Ugg, what's the problem?
I don't expect the earth to move.
It's getting rather late,
I could stand a little passion,
Don't go telling me you disapprove.
My fire's burning brightly,
Now am I getting through to you?
Just take me in your arms,
I'm so hungry for your loving,
And do the things you like to do,
Just do the things you like to do.

Freda, you're far more precious
Than any other girl I've found;
You laugh at all my jokes,
Say the nicest things about me,
You are really fun to be around.
Were I to throw some logs on
The fire, that should keep at bay
Predators nocturnal
While I concentrate my mind on
Loving you the old-fashioned way,
Loving you the old-fashioned way.

Come on, let's play at cavemen,
We'll make primeval pulses swing;
For life is much too short
To be spent in constant worry,
Let's go off and do that caveman thing.
Deep in the cave it's warmer,
We'll stop until the break of day,
Hugging and caressing
'Til we start to see the sunrise,
Loving in the old-fashioned way,
Loving in the old-fashioned way,
Loving the Neanderthal way!

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