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Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia

I think I might be right out of luck,
Cos ah walk like a ruptured duck.
When ah stand ti attention ah thowt ah'd mention,
both me rubber soles 'ave just come unstuck.

Ah ups an' joined the Army wun day
an a 'eerd t' Orderly Sergeant say.
"That lads reet pleasant, but walks like a pheasant.
I 'ope no begger shoots 'im in May."

Then they sent us ower ti Crete,
weer a German sniper ah chanced ti meet.
'e were so far away but ti mah dismay,
'e dinded me tin 'at a real treet.

Ah laid out in sun fer two days,
wi' mi' brain wanderin' round in a maze.
Then tu my delight ah gid two blokes a fright
but they tended me 'ed wi' a graze.

We got down to the beach in one piece,
weer the Doc 'ad a look at the crease.
"An inch tu the left an' yer 'ed wud be cleft,
but ah think tha'll get 'ome in one piece.".

So ah count me blessin's ivvery day,
an ah'm glad ah'm not a pheasant in May.
Pheasant pluckers wi guns, I 'ope get the runs,
an' tramp 'ome wi'oot any pay.

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