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I Haud Ma Licker Weel ©

Josephine Duthie
Aberdeen, Scotland

Pit a dram upon ma table
keep it sma' an' watter'd doon,
ane or twa is a' that's needed
fer tae last ma efternoon.
I'm nae a heavy drinker
an' I haud ma licker weel,
the first sip weets ma gullet
ony ither guids mi reel.
I canna bide a' evenin'
fer I hiv tae fetch the wife,
it's supermerkit shoppin'
or I winna hae a life.

"Charlie foo ye dee'in'?
hiv ye spent yer winnin's yet?
that horse we backed last Friday
wis sic a lucky bet.
Fit? aye, I'll hae anither
jist set it up fer me.
I'll stan' ma han' the next time
afore I ging fer tea.
Ma roon ye said - a' ready?
Och that ane didna last.
Dinna bither wi' the watter
it jist droons the bloomin' draft.
Far dae ye keep yer dominoes?
Set up a game fer fower,
weel need a dram tae help us,
git Jake tae bring 'em o'er.
Chappin? - yer aye chappin'
I'm sure ye canna play,
gi'wa' an' git the whiskeys,
I ken yiv got yer pay.
Wid ye no believe it!!
a' the spots hae disappeared,
- fits that ye said - the ither side?
I'm feelin affa weird.
- closin' time, it canna be!
I've only hid a few,
it disna seem an oor ago
since I cam in wi' you".

I'm in an affa pickle
fer I canna fin' ma' hat.
This alcoholic affluence
mak's livin' sic a rat.
Ma wifie will be furious,
she'll lock me oot the nicht.
- I'll nip roon tae the chipper
an' she'll weakin' tae ma' plight.

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