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Euan’s Papa and the Chair ©

Tom Green
Fife, Scotland

Euan and his papa are always making things
Usually with cardboard, glue and strings
Or playing table football (Euan’s good)
Papa says things that are sometimes rude

They’re making up a model in the shed
Until it’s time for Euan to go to bed
A tail on a haggis (a model that’s true)
Sticking it on with strong super glue

Euan, thinking the job was fair
Accidentally put glue on Papa’s chair
Papa was tired and he said “Phew”
And he sat down hard on Euan’s glue

This was an accident and not a trick
Super glue is meant to act real quick
Papa stood up, there was a great roar
His bottom was stuck tightly to his chair!

He tried to get up from sitting down
From his trousers came a funny sound
As the stitches on his pants were ripped
And o’er the floor his chair he tipped.

First he was up and then he was down
Over the floor he went roun’ and roun’
Euan meantime coughin’ and coughin’
Hiding the fact that he was laughin’

Papa sat down wi’ a great long sigh
“I really don’t know what to try.
My trousers to the chair are caught on.
How do I get this off my bottom?”

“I cannot walk, at least not very far
Bent over double fixed to this chair
Stuck fast here it really is a pest
I must get free, what do you suggest?”

Euan said, “You’re in a bad situation
I think we should go to the police station
I’m sure that before we can cough
They’ll have the means to get it off
Papa said, “Good, but to be fair,
Just how on earth will I get there?”

Euan thought hard and stroked his chin
“I think the chair’s stuck to your skin
If we cut it’s back off then it’s legs
That should ease your odd position
You’ll then only have the bit you sit on.”

Euan got a saw for this operation
While Papa sat like waiting at a station
Soon the back was lying on the floor
Euan stood back and thought some more.

“If I cut the legs off one by one
It won't take long till I am done.“
Papa lay on his sides, left then right,
As Euan sawed with all his might

At last the legs were all sawn off
The sawdust blown off with a puff.
“You’ve cut them off so very neat'
But how will I get down the street?”

Euan pondered and pulled his ear
“I think maybe I have a great idea.
To my skateboard I’ll just tie you
And pull you where you want me to.”

On the skateboard Papa was bundled
And soon off down the road they trundled
Euan had a rope tied to the board’s bow
Papa’s hands astern, “Let’s go now!”

Along the road quickly and up the hill
Euan was exhausted and felt quite ill
He tied the rope to a nearby bush
Wishing he hadn’t been in such a rush.

But Euan was still learning knots to do
The knot came loose and off papa flew
Down the steep hill fast as could be
Narrowly missing ten cars and a tree

Past a police patrol car he did skim
Doing one hundred miles per hour
The police tried hard to catch him
But ‘twas not within their power.

On and on Euan’s dear Papa raced
Waving his arms or covering his face
Now he was getting near to the river
Causing our Euan to quake and quiver

Papa was shouting loud and hearty
But not happy shouts as at a party
Through some bushes he did flash
Then, into the river with a SPLASH!

Out on the river some people boating
Were so amazed to see Papa floating
By on his board attached with string
While with the rope he was steering

Euan ran to the river the worst fearing
Then, amazed, he heard loud cheering!
Papa was out of the river, no longer afloat
He had won a prize for the funniest boat!

The moral of this story must be clear
Take care that glue’s not on a chair
Or like Papa you’ll shake and shiver
And may end up soaking in the river!

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