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CornCremation Street ©

Danny Reynolds
Dalton in Furness, England

They want to burn Fred Elliot
It was his last request
His fiancée wants to bury him but
his son says he knows best

Which means there is a problem
as his size makes either tough,
The undertaker’s struggling to find
A coffin big enough.

I say again, they’re struggling to find
a coffin that will fit ‘im
And what about global warming from
the fumes once they have lit ‘im?

I have heard, in spontaneous combustion
folk have died when they weren’t even sick.
And all their fat acts like a candle
and the bones are like the wick

If so, Fred may burn for God knows how long.
(He’ll be dragged to the furnace by tractor)
We should offer him to North Korea,
then they won’t need their nuclear reactor!

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