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Ah'm no drunk, Hic! ©

Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia

Lead kindly light,
amid the encircling gloom.
Ah hev jist left the booser,
but ah canny find mah room.

The nicht is dark aní fuzzy,
aní ah hev lost me chuffin key.
Aní me car weernít start wií oot it,
an ah canny get oan the bus fer free.

The Missus will be lang asleep,
Gawd bless her cotton socks.
So ah kip doon in the pig sty,
cos sheís secured the hoos wií locks.

The Pig gets up as ah lie doon,
cos she canny bide the smell oí booze.
Then wen ahím in slumber land,
she squirts in mah best pair oí shoes.

Ahíl need ti cut mah spendiní
oan beer aní crisps aní fags.
An find anither ale hoos,
that is mair considerate ti owd lags.

Wunce ah wiz a sodjer,
sae prood aní straight aní tall.
But noo nae body bothers me,
like anither fly upon the wall.

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